ASK “K” – December 15th


Dear K,
I steal my sister’s old gym shoes and use them to pleasure myself, pretending I’m getting a foot job, but I don’t think of her while I’m doing it. Is this wrong?
Dear Footloose,
Yes, that’s wrong. Use your own shoes and imagine they belong to your sister.

Dear K,
Can a woman be talked into having anal sex if the guy says he forgot condoms?
-Asking for a friend

Dear Asking for a Friend,
Totally. Nobody wants to be impregnated and no condoms is too risky. I can totally see, “Hey, baby I forgot the condoms so it looks like I’ll be coming in the back door tonight.” (cumming pun intended)…I can see that going over well. Another sure fire way to reach level ANAL is to just sneak attack it. Women LOVE that. Go in from behind and hit it doggy style then, mid thrust, move your pole up about an inch and YAHTZEE! Let me know how either of those works out for you, okay?

Dear K,
My friends keep telling me there’s a certain smell test that guys run on their chicks before fucking around with them to make sure the chick isn’t gross. Problem is, they won’t tell me what the smell test is. Do you know what they’re talking about?
-Scratch & sniff
Dear Scratch and Sniff,
Yes, I am aware of this test you’re talking about. So, here’s what you do; get a sharpie pen and draw a sea shell on the inner part of her thigh right by her lady bits then put your ear up to it. If you can smell the ocean, RUN.