Ask “K” – December 16th

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Dear K,
Hi, I’m a heterosexual man who is sick and tired of bitches running all over me and hurting me. I’m over them. I don’t find men attractive, though. Is there something I can take to make me gay?
~Fed up

Dear Fed up,
Yes. It’s called dick. Take two at night and I’ll call you gay in the morning.
Dear K,
I suffer with epileptic seizures and this sometimes over excites my service dog. His over excitement has been known to trigger my epilepsy. I have found the only thing that calms him is if I stimulate his penis. Is that wrong?
~Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
It’s only wrong if you’re 1. Naked while doing it or 2. Your dog uses the same method to calm you.

Dear K,
Can you please explain to me what the protocol for condom use is in a 2 girl 1 guy threesome? Should the condom be changed for each girl every time or can you just use one condom?
~Asking for a Friend

Dear Asking for a Friend,
Oh, totally use just one condom. I mean, why waste the money? Nothing wrong with double dipping right? 2 girls 1 condom WOOT WOOT. Okay, seriously, NOOOOOOO! I’m actually really glad this question was asked. Guys reading this who follow what I’m going to say will be saving the female population from a lot of nasty infections and maybe even some of the HIV. Change the condom each time you change the female. Got it? No ifs, ands, or buts about it. The PH balance of one female will not match the PH of another female and will most definitely upset both female’s PH balance which will lead to infection. NOT FUN. Here’s another FUN FACT: Any time you go from anal to vaginal, CHANGE THE CONDOM. Do not, under ANY circumstances contaminate from back to the front. That causes poo poo cunt. Poo poo cunt leads to guaranteed infection. Infection equates to the only threesome you’ll be having is your dick and both hands. #FACT

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