ASK “K” – December 18th

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Dear K,
I have a friend who constantly smells like shit. She’s a big girl, always been that way, but she’s gained even more weight recently. I almost wonder if she’s too fat to wipe her own ass? She’s gotta smell it, too, because she bathes in perfume. It’s nauseating. I really enjoy her company but the smell is becoming so I cannot tolerate it without saying something. I just don’t know what to say? Any ideas?
~Sick of Shit

Dear Sick of Shit,
I imagine, at some point during her weight gain, she grew to be so big that her arms cannot extend around to adequately wipe her own ass. I mean, arms are only so long and they don’t grow as a person gets heavier. Sounds to me like this might actually be the problem. Which, means you should be a good friend to her and offer to wipe her ass for her. As for the perfume, I agree it would seem she bathes in it to cover up the smell. Unfortunately, even products like Renuzit don’t do much when it comes to the smell of shit. More often than not, it mingles with the stench and all you’re left with is an even more confusing and awful smell of what I like to call, Renushit. Only other options I can think of are 1. You slap a car freshener pine tree (or other preferred sent) on her ass & hope it takes the edge off or 2. Dab a bit of Vicks Vapor rub in each nostril before hanging with her.

Dear K,
I’m a middle aged black man with 12 inches of cock and every time I think I’m getting laid the bitch gets scared of my wood. I’ve been thinking of down sizing but terrified of the surgery. Do you have any advice ?
~Footer

Dear Footer,
#BlackMenProblems. LMFAO! Just kidding. While there are some men out there who will hate you for having a 12 inch cock because it makes their average sized 5 incher look like an outer belly button, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s a legit issue. I’ve said many times that I would run screaming if someone unleashed a 12 inch cock on me. As for the surgery, do they actually do that?! Either way, I don’t think tampering with what nature gave you is the best idea. Truth is, if you were blessed with it, there is a woman out there who can fit it. Try going on dating apps and include it in your description. Always be honest from the beginning about it. It may take a few women but, I assure you, there are women out there who would sell their children for a guy with a footer dangling between his legs. Until then, invest in the flesh light to satisfy your needs. Good luck to you and the brave woman who lands you.

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