ASK “K” – December 29th

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Dear K,
My husband spends all of his time either eating ice cream cones or making piss poor graphics that talk about the presumed smelly vaginas of beautiful girls he’s met online who think he’s a disgusting fat pig. He ignores my phone calls to do this. He never sleeps. How can I get him to pay attention to me and not those girls?
~MJ

Dear MJ,
Your husband sounds like a very desperate and obsessed beast and I’m sorry you’re stuck with him for the rest of your life. Since divorce and killing yourself or him doesn’t seem to be an option for you, I would recommend you dress up like an ice cream cone to get his attention. Maybe, if you give him some pussy, he’ll stop acting like one and he won’t be so obsessed with the smell of other vaginas? If that doesn’t work, I’d seriously consider making the aforementioned options a reality. Good luck!

Dear K,
I think my friend has gone crazy! He recently accused a guy online of killing his dog but did a periscope the other day in, which, the dog is seen AND heard barking! When confronted about this, he said it was a doll. A doll! Does he think I’m stupid?!
~Doll Messed Up

Dear Doll Messed Up,
Lol, I see what you did there with your name Sounds to me like your friend is starving for attention and needs a hug. Give him one and then punch him in his lying face for making such a crude joke out of something dog lovers everywhere would find very depressing. It’s not cool to fuck with people’s emotions like that. If you can, steal the dog and give it to a family who will love and appreciate it for Christmas. Unless, of course, he’s Tim Allen’s cousin.

Dear K,
Why does it seem like all you do is answer questions about people you know just to bash them?
~Rude

Dear Rude,
I answer questions that are submitted to me. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Simple as that. If you want better questions, send them to askkdnn@gmail.com otherwise shut the fuck up and have a happy holidays!

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