Ask “K” – February 8th, 2016

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Dear K,
I’m a Portland area bird owner who enjoys sticking my fingers in my ass to massage my prostate. Does that mean I’m gay?
~Curious

Dear Curious,
You’re using YOUR fingers, right?? I would say that does not make you gay. However, the dick in your ass tells another story. Many men stimulate their prostate because it heightens the sensation of the climax. There’s nothing wrong with that. Just, whatever you do, do NOT involve your birds in any of your sexual activities.

Dear K,
Can you still catch the crabs if you shave your pubes?
~Asking for a friend.

Dear Asking,
Actually, no, you cannot. In fact, sexually transmitted pubic lice (crabs) are now considered an endangered species due to the Brazilian wax job that many women are having done. Also, many men are now going hairless down there. Some idiot, who had a dick so small he couldn’t see it and got tired of pissing on his balls, probably decided to shave himself and VOILA he saw his penis for the first time. Seeing it bald like this likely made it seem bigger and the belief that shaving the bush makes the tree trunk look bigger was born. FUN FACT: a small pecker is a small pecker and nothing will make it look bigger. Fellas? DON’T GO BALD. Manscape to keep it from being unruly but stop there.

Dear K,
If your girlfriend makes fun of the size of your dick, is it ok to make fun of her tits?
~Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
NO! Honestly, there’s some things couples should never say to each other and bashing on dick size or tits that dangle like wet tube socks are some examples. She was wrong to bash you for that. Don’t stoop to her level. Just look at her and calmly tell her to pick her labia off the ground before you trip over it. Then smile sweetly and walk away.

Ps. On second thought, learn to duck.

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