Ask “K” – January 20th, 2016

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Dear K,
I cum too fast. I have tried delay sprays and other methods described on the internet and nothing has helped me last longer than maybe a minute. I always pleasure my girlfriend with my tongue first so she is happy but I would like to be able to pound her like a cheap cut of beef. Any ideas?
-2pumpchump

Dear 2pumpchump,
The best way to build your stamina would be to continuously jack off multiple times a day. Hell, jack off just before you plan to get busy with your chick and pop a viagra. Also, look into getting a ring that can be worn around your balls. This can sometimes help delay orgasm. But, for sure, spank that monkey twice, if not more times, a day. As an aside, kudos to you for making sure you get your girl off using your mouth first.

Dear K,
My friend has been screwing around on his wife for months now. I have feelings for his wife and have been thinking of ratting him out in order to be her rebound guy. Who is the bigger creep, the cheater of me?
-Opportunist

Dear Opportunist,
It’s not your place to tell her about his affairs and definitely not so you can swoop in and be the rebound. She’ll eventually figure it out on her own and then you can be there to pick up the pieces. Obviously, he’s the bigger creep because he’s violating his marriage vows by cheating on his wife but you’re looking to destroy his wife by ratting him out so you can come in and play captain save-a-ho. Not as creepy but it isn’t your place. Let that marriage fall apart on it’s own then go in like the vulture you’re planning to be and pick at the pieces of her he leaves in his wake.

Dear K,
I have been living a lie in order to have a hot girlfriend. I have been buying her gifts, taking her on trips and spending way beyond me means. I am now 50 grand in debt and can’t keep this going longer than another month before I will need to start selling stuff off. How do I get her to agree to anal sex?
-ExpensiveAss

Dear ExpensiveAss,
You’re fucking right that’s some expensive ass!!! Jesus, if someone dropped $50k on me my asshole would be open season! Not only should she be agreeing to anal, she should be so grateful to you that she’s throwing her asshole at you every chance she gets. What an ungrateful cunt! PRO TIP: For that much money you could just as easily found yourself a nice hooker and leased her asshole out. Just saying.

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