Better Late Than Never Department: Webcast personality Krystal, who moonlights as Ask K for DNN, called into former Howard Stern associate KC Armstrong’s internet radio show on WMAP as a guest at the end of March. Presented here, belatedly, is a transcript of her chat with KC, who conducted a ten-minute interview with her.
KC: The world’s most amazing people, that’s what we’re talking about. And today, I have exactly one of those people, okay? I have who I like to call the Queen of the Web. The Queen of webcasting, the queen of talk shows…she’s an excellent broadcaster, and she’s a friend of mine… And it’s my honor and privilege to bring to WMAP the most amazing people. But before I introduce her, I want to let you know what is going on tomorrow before I introduce this great lady. Tomorrow, the Crypt Keepers are coming in to perform. The one and only Bobby Brown will be calling in to promote that show. The Ex-Wives of Metal, she’ll be calling in… Dr. Suzi Shooter…and there’s another guest, I can’t read my own writing…but it’s going to be a great day tomorrow… But getting back to my guest and why she’s so amazing…she seems to always get to the top. She has been through many trials and tribulations, but yet always seems to come out on top and has a lot of guts, and that’s why I really like Krystal Roberts. And it’s my pleasure and honor to bring you Miss Krystal Roberts. Hey, Krystal! What’s going on today, how are you?
Krystal: What’s going on? Oh my God, what an introduction!
KC: Well, I mean it. You know, you’ve done so much and I mean, I remember when you used to do this Trashpod, what is it?
Krystal: (laughing) That’s right… I’d rather not promote them anyway.
KC: No, we’re saying you used to…you used to do it. Of course you don’t do that anymore.
Krystal: Right. Before that, I was just by myself on Blog Talk radio, doing a crazy shit show, interviewing all the people from the Howard Stern show. You included.
KC: Oh, that’s right. Yeah, I remember. I did do your show one time, and now you’re involved in this thing called DNNTribune.com It’s a website. Tell me about that.
Krystal: DNN Tribune is a website that was created. There’s actually a link here between myself and your last guest: that Barry guy?
KC: Oh, yeah Barry. He was funny. He was a very interesting guy, that guy. He’s gonna come back, he’s gonna be on again in the next few days.
Krystal: Oh great. I can’t wait, I can’t wait. And I am one of the millions of people who tweet him and say, “Where is that damn sex tape? I want to see it!”
KC: (laughs) Who’s he gonna do the sex tape with? He’s says he’s finally going to do it.
Krystal: I have no clue! I don’t follow that show anymore that he was talking about. But, yeah, I have no idea, but I remember seeing him on there when I was on there, because I used to be on that show as well. And it was so funny to hear him talk about that because he was so adamant, like “I am doing a sex tape! And who among you ladies wants to be on there?”
KC: (laughs) Yeah, right. Yeah, he’s really a character, and that’s why I really like having him on. So yeah, you’ll definitely hear from him. So, okay now so the correlation…now what exactly do you do for DNN Tribune or am I saying it right?
Krystal: Yeah, DNN Tribune. It’s Douche News Network.
KC: Douche News Network?
Krystal: Exactly. Right. So that gives you an idea of what it going on over there. It used to cover stories about the show Barry was on that he mentioned. But now, it’s kind of branched off from that. The person who runs it: it is a mystery who that person is. Nobody knows. But they use an avi, a picture of a monkey named Douche.
Krystal: And it’s so…the guy is brillian; he’s so clever and so funny. (And there’s an airplane flying over my head, sorry…)
KC: No that’s all right. You should wave.
Krystal: I’ve put in for a no-fly zone, KC, but they never listen to me. I’m apparently nothing to them; they don’t care.
KC: Do you believe in UFOs? Because I do.
Krystal: I do, yeah, I do. Well, yeah…
KC: Have you ever seen one? Have you ever seen a UFO?
Krystal: No, uh-uh. No, I’d probably piss my pants.
KC: (laughs) Yeah.
Krystal: For real.
KC: Yeah, I think I’ve been probed a few times, but I don’t want to talk about it. It was in gym class, and I was young.
Krystal: No, you do want to talk about it, or you wouldn’t have mentioned it.
KC: That’s true; that’s very true. It never gets by you, that’s the thing. You have to be careful about what you say around Krystal because of the broadcaster in her. She will find every little thing that you say and turn it into something else. So you gotta be careful.
Krystal: Well, the next time you come on my show, I want to talk about that. You being probed.
KC: Okay, no problem. I was going to write my diary about it, but you just ruined it.
Krystal: I am your diary. Let me be your diary.
KC: (laughs) Okay, so now Krystal, so tell me more about what you are doing now with this.
Krystal: What I am doing is…I started out writing an advice column called “Ask K” because everybody calls me “K” on the internet, so I figured, I’ll just go with “Ask K”… And I write on…if you go to DNNTribune.com, and go under the “Life” section, you’ll see “Ask K”. I’ve done a few articles in there. And I was thinking we should do this live, like another DNN show, DNN Live, which is a recap of everything that’s going on at the Tribune and what they do on Spreecast. I’m doing mine on Blab, but I am on a brief hiatus right now…
KC: Oh yeah, Blabbermouth. I remember that one.
Krystal: (laughs) Blabbermouth! Perfect, right? So basically, it is an advice show. So people can either call in or they can send me emails asking me questions, and I’ll answer them on air. And I’ve done three shows, but like I said I am on hiatus right now.
Krystal: But bigger than that, though, KC, I was so excited to tell you… Guess what? I have two imdb credits.
KC: Nice! How did that work?
Krystal: That worked out because the person who is behind the whole DNN thing…they made a movie called Last Thirteen, out of this one guy’s Periscopes. He did a bunch of Periscopes, and he’s real dramatic. It’s like watching a train wreck. But he’s a good guy…but he lies all the time about the dumbest stuff. And then he gets caught in the lies, and he lies some more… And it’s just a big mess of chaotic-ness.
KC: Uh huh.
Krystal: I don’t even know if that’s a word. So they put together…they edited all of these Periscopes to make a movie. And it is an absolutely riveting movie. And I, not even related to it, decided –because I know the guy personally, his name is Christopher Dick– A for-real dick. And I made up a song. You know a Timmy T song called “One More Lie”?
KC: Uh, not familiar with that.
Krystal: It’s like…it’s a very old song. Anyway, I did a parody of it called…uh, no, I’m sorry… The Timmy T song is “One More Try”; my song was called “One More Lie”. And I did a parody of it. And it was used in the movie. They used it in the soundtrack of the movie.
KC: So that’s great! That’s where you got your credit!
Krystal: That’s where I got the one credit as a composer. And then I got the second credit as an actor, because I’m in a six-part mini-series called DEFAMED. And it’s about Douche and a really talented musician out of, I believe, Montreal, Canada called Jason –I really mess up his last name– Deeh Pitre. And he’s on Facebook as well. And so they put together this six-part mini-series and everybody is waiting, it is highly anticipated. It’s gonna be huge.
KC: Hey, I gotta stop you for a second. Are you calling me from an airport?
Krystal: I’m telling you right now, KC. I told you. I live like a stone’s throw away from a very small airport, and they don’t care that I put in for a no-fly, and I told them I’m gonna be on air, don’t fly over my goddamned house.
KC: (laughs) They don’t fly at night, right? They’re not supposed to go after 10 o’clock or something?
Krystal: No, you know what? I think it’s only when I am broadcasting. I think they get some kind of signal. And they do it…there are some times when I was outside doing Krystal After Dark and talking to like Wendy the Retard from the Stern show. And this big ass airplane came, and I was like, we have to wait because they don’t care…
KC: Wow. Hey, uh Krystal? Now, I know what you’re doing now. And just I wanted to give the listeners a little taste of your work because I’m definitely going to have you back. I want to do a quick little thing. What will we see in the future for Miss Krystal Roberts?
Krystal: Oh God, that’s anybody’s guess right now. It’s so up in the air. My personal life is all over the place right now. Um, I would say there’s just…between…if you follow @dnnempire on Twitter, you’ll get all the updates and stuff that’s going on. Like I said, the new movie is coming out on the first of April. You can find that on dnnonair.com It’s called DEFAMED, and I am in that a couple of times, I think.
Krystal: And just more of that. I’ll probably be on that all the time, probably, with Ask K. I’ll start when I get back up and running.
KC: How can people get a hold of you?
Krystal: You can follow me on Twitter @askkdnn
KC: @askkdnn. Krystal Roberts, you are one of my favorites. A great broadcaster. Thank you so much for coming on and introducing yourself to the listeners because WMAP here just got going a couple of weeks ago, and the response has been outstanding. I’m very proud of my staff.
Krystal: I will promote the shit out of you, I promise!