EARTH LOSES SPACE MAN RILEY MARTIN; KAF COMMUNITY REACTS!!

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NEW YORK, NY: The KaF community was rocked to learn the news of the beloved Riley Martin’s death on Tuesday when Martin’s faithful companion Eron made the announcement on Martin’s twitter feed. Riley Martin boasted a loyal fan base who listened to his weekly program on SiriusXM Howard 101, which continued to air until he was too ill to host.

The vibrant and lovable Martin claimed that he was first abducted by aliens in 1953, at the age of seven.  These aliens continued to visit him every 11 years thereafter. Unlike many who have made contact with extra-terrestrials, Martin spoke highly of his friendly captors. He frequently discussed the different types of aliens he had met, the qualities of each, and how he even engaged in a few romances with the beings. He was always very candid answering questions on his program and was always able to bounce back with a quick-witted remark when callers attempted to derail his show with obscene questions.

Eron announces the sad news.
Eron announces the sad news.

Although Martin had addressed his prolonged illness in recent times, news of his death made many in the KaF community express surprise. “O-Qua Tangin Wann!” blurted February30th after learning of Martin’s death. “Ungada voon rupta omega lupta!” shouted Geo. Leaf King articulately noted, “He was… highly entertaining; [he had] fascinating stories with a voice you could imitate for days.”

Prolific tweeter, F.o.G., shared, “I’ve been an on-and-off listener to Riley’s show since 2013. The past few years I listened and enjoyed what Riley had to offer, some grade-A fantasy tinged BS. Loved it and loved his contributions. I made a prank call of my own in late 2013; I couldn’t help but bust out laughing at the punchline. Oh well. RIP Spaceman.”

“I related to Riley in so many ways,” coughed Emilio. “Who doesn’t feel underpaid at their job?… Not only did he feel swindled by his boss, but he would berate him on air and call him names that should never be repeated.” He then snorted, “He could also flawlessly spew bullshit about aliens better than Kleenex on his best day…” “Riley, I will miss you!” Emilio wailed.

This reporter once had the pleasure of receiving a call from Martin as a birthday gift. Though he was over an hour and a half late calling, our conversation was one of most memorable I’ve experienced. We (well, ok mostly he) spoke extensively about Nikola Tesla (a possible alien), he said to call him any time with queries “or what have you,” and then he was off.

Ever the salesman, Riley had made one last plea, noted in his tribute: that all the symbols he created before his death be purchased and distributed. Each symbol –your ticket to the mothership when and if the need arises for you to escape from Earth– was hand-made by Martin. At least one KaF’er can breathe easy. Reggie shared, “I have my symbol and will meet up with him for the intergalactic party on the mothership.” Rest in Peace, Space Cowboy.

F.o.G.’s Prank Call to Riley Martin, July 16, 2013

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