MORE SORDID MUPPETRY UNEARTHED!! VIOLENT, SADISTIC SIDE EXPOSED!!!

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HOLYWOOD CA:  In a recent, hard-hitting DNN expose, we reported the troubling findings that the lovable Jim Henson Muppets had a tawdry past involving beatniks, drugs, and free jazz.  It was a shocking revelation to many, whose young minds were indelibly shaped by the furry, friendly marionette/puppet hybrids.  This should have been enough to give our readers pause about the clear and present danger posed to children and slow adults by these menacing monsters, but DNN has learned the story is even worse.

Jim Henson’s lovable muppets were a violent, sadistic lot in the mid-1950’s.  In a series of videos DNN has unearthed from the dusty attics of YouTube, a pair of muppets, Wilkins (who likes coffee) and Wontkins (who doesn’t) engage in a never-ending orgy of violence and torture, all while shilling for Wilkins Coffee company.  In total of 179 8-to-second clips from 1957, a non-coffee drinking Wontkins is brutally shot, blown up, guillotined, clobbered by falling trees, assualted with hammers, tarred and feathered, egged, impaled with swords, and subjected to myriad other bizarre forms of torture by Wilkins.  Their language is salty, and frequently bleeped.

Jim Henson’s Muppets: Wilkins Coffee Ads (1957)

The ads, which ran on local Washington DC stations in the late 1950’s, were a success.  They were spoofed and copied well into the 1960’s, before eventually vanishing in the dustbin of history.  In fact, the ads were so successful that Wilkins Coffee came with an offer: send $1 and get Wilkins and Wontkins muppets of your own.  One can just imagine cherubic 5-year-olds, happily re-enacting the violent commercials.

 

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