BLANKET FORT #5: June 10, 2016. Running time: 30:19

Another week, and another jam-packed episode of Blanket Fort has dropped at DNN On Air. The fifth installment of the cult program serves up a smorgasbord of music, monkeys, and manic humor and also sees yet another new contributor joining the Blanket Fort family. As always, Blanket Fort 5 was followed by a Blab in which the show (among other digressions) was discussed. Unlike previous Blabs, Emilio the sky pilot was not present, but Stu filled in. Rumors briefly swirled regarding Emilio’s absence, with the most persistent one being that he was deceased, although some speculated he might have been on a date or attending a wedding. While Muttley, as Emilio is affectionately called by friends, was definitely missed (and will be even more missed if he is, in fact, dead), a fun evening was had by all nonetheless.  Life is for the living, after all.

So: on with the show.  Blanket Fort 5 opened with a bumper of a paraglider colliding with a pair of seagulls high above the hilltops.  The gulls cause his lines to twist, and he begins to go into a spiral.  Alas, we don’t know if the paraglider recovers from this mishap, as the video ends before the issue is resolved.

You can't turnip your nose at fresh radish!
You can’t turnip your nose at fresh radish!

There was no time to contemplate the paraglider’s ultimate fate however, as Mega Tron‘s “Brassica Bulletin” was up next with an update on her survival garden.  To very great fanfare and applause (literally), she harvested her very first radish. A ceremonial cooking of the year’s first radish followed, with Tron dicing it and placing it in a skillet, substituting brown rice vinegar for the preferred balsamic vinegar.  Tron also gave us a rare glimpse of her face as she savored her first taste of this spring’s harvest.

“Brassica Bulletin” was followed by a “Oh My Monkey” segment in which a woman is kissed by a monkey cradled in her arms.  At first, they are content to exchange pecks on the lips, but the monkey insists on slipping her the tongue.  While she does not exactly rebuff his advances, she does turn her head away several times.  The persistent monkey gently reaches out and turns her head back and continues with his tender, but insistent advances.

Black State Highway
Black State Highway

Next up was a video by England-based hard rock group Black State Highway, playing their single, “Ain’t Got No” from their 2014 self-titled debut album.  Liva Steinberga provides a soaring vocal over a Black Crowes-like accompaniment from the band, and it rocks like a mutha. Unfortunately, it appears the band is currently in transition; a Facebook post in January claims that the band is no longer working under the Black State Highway name, but did not specify a breakup or change in personnel.

A rather short “Lamont: Let Us Play” segment followed, signalling some more bonks on the head with errant soccer balls, backflips gone awry, and the like.

Peter, Paul, and Mary
Peter, Paul, and Mary

This led into a new Seederman Report, this time featuring 1960’s pop-folk trio Peter, Paul, and Mary.  The clip begins with a 1963 performance of their then-new children’s classic “Puff, The Magic Dragon”, which has been co-opted for more than half a century by dopeheads and incipient hipsters as supposedly a paean to marijuana.  Clips of stoned antics set to the song follow, and then Peter Yarrow, one of the song’s co-writers, debunks the myth by stating that the song (quite obviously) is about a child growing up and leaving his childhood world of make-believe.  In the after-show Blab, a skeptical Stu stood by his belief that it is a dope song but seemed to be in the minority.

DNN's Mr. Science
DNN’s Mr. Science

This clip segued directly into a new installment of the popular “Fly High with Muttley”, in which the (possibly) late Emilio-the-grounded-pilot explained the purpose of wing stabilizers on aircraft. One might have expected him to say something like “they make the plane fly better”, but instead he gave us some actual science, invoking Bernoulli’s Principle (an increase in the speed of a fluid occurs simultaneously with a decrease in the pressure exerted by the fluid), which he explained with a diagram of an airfoil. He then explained Newton’s Third Law of Motion (for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction).  Who says Blanket Fort is without educational value?  Perhaps as importantly, Emilio looks more comfortable addressing the camera, and he offers a somewhat loose salute at the end.  If he had not tragically died [Editor’s note: we’re not sure about that yet], he may very well have mastered the art of proper miking next.

A bumper featuring Trunk Monkey followed, in which our heroic chimp saves a motorist from a road-rager by clubbing him over the head with a tire iron.

Nichole onstage with Frank Turner
Nichole onstage with Frank Turner

“Navigating with Nichole” was up next.  Nichole is quite possibly the most well-traveled of DNN regulars, popping up at music festivals around the South (and beyond).  This time, she was in Houston for the Free Press Summer Music Festival, an annual event.  The venue had moved from its originally scheduled location, so there wasn’t any music happening, but Nichole, well-known for her remarkable off-the-cuff knowledge, gave us a rundown on Houston’s population and chief attractions.  The video then shifted to New Orleans, where she attended a show by English singer/songwriter Frank Turner.  “Attended” is perhaps not the right word, as she not only attended the show but accompanied him on harmonica for one song, to the thrill of the audience (both there and at DNN On Air).  Nichole will also be the star of a special program on DNN On Air, A Weekend with Nichole, which will air on Friday, June 17, 2016, at 7:30PM (EDT), preceding the showing of Blanket Fort 6.

A bumper followed, this time a second visit to the International Space Station (first seen on Blanket Fort 4), featuring another weightless effervescent globule of water floating in zero gravity.

David's clearly un-self-conscious pug
David’s clearly un-self-conscious pug

This was followed by the first segment from a brand-new contributor, the popular David Moble.  David’s video featured his lovable pug playing on the sofa.  While the audience agreed that David’s pug, whose name the Tribune is unsure of, was extraordinarily cute, there were whispers about the doggy shirts he was wearing.  One viewer asked what kind of guy dresses his dog in little outfits, to which we can only speculate that it must be a guy who loves his pug very much.  We hope to see more of David’s doggy friend in the future, which perhaps will answer this burning controversy among viewers.

A brief bumper followed in which a guy attempted to kick a flaming soccer ball and managed to set himself on fire.  Blanket Fort is still seeking a “fire trick” that ends well; we have not seen one yet.

Vada in her garden

Vada Callisto‘s “Little People Who Make the World Bigger” was next in line.  This time, Vada’s segment was shot in her garden, beside a resting garden gnome, where she tossed some rocks about, proving once and for all that she is indeed a rock star.  Her garden scene served as introduction to a children’s song, “My Roots Go Down”, sung with gusto by a girl of about four or five years old, with her father on guitar and helping a little with the vocals.  Vada’s charming child-oriented segments have garnered significant notice among viewers, both for Vada’s presentation and the amusing clips that follow.

A very quick bumper followed, featuring a very narrow miss of a motorcyclist by a car travelling on the wrong side of the road.  This was followed by a second bumper, this one of a passenger in a racing car getting motion sickness and vomiting while the car speeds along the circuit.

See the bunny? We don't either, but we're glad Krystal is safe and happy.
See the bunny? We don’t either, but we’re glad Krystal is safe and happy.

The last main segment of the evening was Krystal‘s “On the Streets with K”.  This one was a bit of a puzzler.  After her interviews in previous episodes of Blanket Fort with a plus-sized escort, a man who had tortured another man by crushing his testicles, and an attempted murderer, viewers were wondering what depravity Krystal would encounter next.  The answer, it turned out, was a rabbit. Krystal attempts to point out the rabbit on video, but it remained largely invisible to the viewers.  While some may find this a disappointment, Krystal’s fans are also glad to see her in a peaceful, pastoral environment, far from the meth heads and parolees of the San Jacinto Valley, where she had been staying until recently.

The one and only Ace
The one and only Ace

A couple of final bumpers closed out the week’s show.  The first was a clip of Ace Frehley and Kiss, interviewed by Tom Snyder, in which a high-spirited Ace cracks a joke about being a plumber and working on pipes, while Gene Simmons shakes his head and looks at the floor. The final clip featured an attractive-looking clubgoer attempting to snort a line of coke off the rim of an immaculate looking toilet.  The self-cleaning toilet, sensing defilement, auto-vacuums the coke, leaving the would-be snorter screaming on the floor in anguish.  Turns out, it was an ad for Complete Washroom Solutions.

Overall, it was a fun evening spent with friends and acquaintances, with a few more faces in chat than we’ve seen so far.  As always, DNN is grateful to our contributors and thanks our wonderful audience for making every Friday night so enjoyable.  See you all for Blanket Fort 6, next Friday!

Blanket Fort 5 After Party on Blab can be seen here.