MONKEY ISLAND, SOUTH PACIFIC: Where can one turn for puppets, dancing, singing, laughter, goofy videos, Douche! the monkey, and fun these days? As Kermit and Friends currently remains the Convict Christopher Dick Misogyny and Hatred Show in all but name only, many fans of the show’s less loathsome, non-Dick characters have been left adrift. The good news is that for viewers who have grown weary of being subjected to Kermit and Friends’ seemingly unintentional, yet nonetheless endless, endorsement of abuse against women, philandering, lying and cheating, racism, rampant paranoia, stalking and outing, insults against cast and viewers, and daily ugliness in the form of boorish and ignorant co-host Christopher Dick– there is a place to go that recalls the pre-Dick Kermit fun before Criminal Chris stole the show. Admission is free, and a good time is had by all.
Douche! the Monkey’s irregular Kick Party is the place to mingle with Kermit cast past and present in addition to other personalities. Described by the vacationing simian as “legendary gatherings with a rich history of deviant behavior”, these bacchanals are famous outlets for good, not-always-clean fun. Last night’s edition, entitled “Sorry Polly”, saw such former and current Kermit luminaries Marc Zweben, Nichole, Krystal, Empty Wallet, Kelly Fox getting jiggy and partying hardy. The words “cunt”, “big black ape”, “buttfuck”, and “my fucking psycho wife” never came up once. It is a refreshing reminder that entertainment can be more than the psychotic ramblings of an unemployed convict for two hours. It takes the “F” out of “fucking bitch” and puts it back in “fun”, where it belongs.
However, Kick Party is not merely a bunch of cammers dancing; there is a twist to the proceedings. Douche!, the host, reserves the right to kick anyone who isn’t “entertaining” from the show for the night. On busy days, this has resulted in 50-100 kicks. While these kicks are meant as good-natured fun and a way to encourage participation, Blab’s employees aren’t always in on the joke. On one broadcast, three of them came in to investigate the cause of so many kicks, and were themselves kicked for not being entertaining. About 40 were kicked last night, including anyone with a Blab award avatar (who were kicked upon entry). Former Kermit regular John Mazza was also kicked on arrival for being a welsher on his $1000 bet with Elisa Jordana. This quasi-Gong Show approach has led to participants stepping up their games and being creative.
Yesterday’s party (which are held on an irregular basis and is announced on Twitter) was typical in the number of laughs it elicited from the participants. Undoubtedly one of the highlights was Marc Zweben. On Jordana’s show, he is unconscionably referred to as “the retard” by Jordana’s co-host frequently and without censure, but the affable and kind-hearted Marc was free to mingle and play without fear of such unwarranted and hurtful insults on Kick Party. In this safe zone, he is a star. Zweben let loose with rambunctious dancing to “Dancing with Myself” by Billy Idol and “The Banana Boat Song” by Harry Belafonte. Later, Dancin’ Machine Marc donned a Howard Stern-like black wig and sunglasses and went wild on Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”. For those who have missed Marc’s charming personality and off-the-wall sense of humor, he’s back with a vengeance on Kick Party.
Original clips contributed by Douche! and others helped to flesh out the program. The ravishing Dissecting the Frog host Nichole put in an alluring performance toward the end in a rare on-cam moment of silliness as she lip-synced to the music. Even the frequently wooden Empty Wallet, former co-host of the now-cancelled Spreecast program Love and Lashes, was animated and alive during the show, except when he bailed during familiar chat room participant Forza’s porn sequence. The good vibes can best be described as infectious.
This fun has been going on since before Kermit took its recent detour into daily hate speech and threats, and anyone who tuned in yesterday might have been reminded of what Kermit used to be and hopefully will be again someday. Even on vacation, Douche! sure knows how to throw a party! And Marc Zweben sure knows how to dance! Keep your eyes peeled for the next one, perhaps after the new year.