RILEY MARTIN CATCHES BIAVIIAN MOTHERSHIP; Alien Abductee Departs at 69

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2007

NEW YORK, NY:  Howard Stern fans, who make up a significant portion of the Kermit and Friends audience, on Tuesday mourned the passing of irascible but lovable alien abductee Riley Lee Martin.  Martin, known for his far out stories about the Biaviians and their culture and technology, passed away on December 22, 2015 although the news was not made public until today.  Martin’s radio sidekick Eron tweeted the sad news on Tuesday afternoon. Riley was 69 years old. The radio host, who frequently suffered from food poisoning just prior to many of his shows, reportedly had been in poor health for months.

Given the nature of Martin’s fame, solid biographical facts are hard to come by.  He claimed to have been born to a family of sharecroppers in Mississippi on May 9, 1946.  His first alien abduction occurred at the age of seven, in a field in Arkansas, and he was subjected to more abductions in his teen years and early adulthood.  On his space voyages, the Southern space cowboy was guided by one O-Qua Tangin Wann, or “Tan” for short.  Tan was a benevolent member of Biaviian society, and took the young Martin under his wing.  Tan “uploaded” a wealth of information directly into Martin’s brain in minutes, including the intricate designs of 144,000 Biaviaan symbols.  These symbols, which resemble a cross between Indian mandalas and psychedelic Fillmore West posters, entitled the bearer to passage on the Biaviian mothership.  Martin recreated these symbols from memory, and offered them for donations on his website.

Eron's touching tweet.
Eron’s touching tweet.

According to Martin, the mothership was to arrive in 2012 when the Earth was to be massively transformed.  When the deadline passed, Martin essentially offered that they’d be here when they are ready to be here, and wavered not an inch in his faith.  Martin was shown the truth by aliens he had great faith in, and it is our failings as humans if we are denied entry on the mothership because we did not invest chump change in a symbol.  Until then, the symbols remain collector’s items.

Martin was the host of The Riley Martin Show on Sirius/XM Radio, which was the only show to survive a serious cutback in new Howard 101 programming in 2014.  He, along with the late Eric the Actor, was one of the only Stern show regulars to regularly challenge Howard on literally anything. Martin’s fights with Stern over money are part of Stern Show lore. His passing leaves the wack pack in ruins; Martin is the ninth or tenth wackpacker to depart to the King of All Universes’ realm.  Or perhaps the Biaviians called for him at last, and Martin slipped from his temporal shell of existence into something more universal.  DNN wishes Riley Martin godspeed, and we await his leadership, in spirit if not in a corporeal sense, when the mothership arrives.

Here is Riley Martin’s first Howard Stern Show appearance, from 1996.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57aOVs475jY

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